Yuku free message boards

"I Believe In You..."

One moment in time by:

DI2CJNJ & Leanne Smith

From Devoted To Deveraux: Click here to find and watch the original scenes...

Jack Deveraux trudged through the outer office and across the threshold into his own office, closing the door and releasing a shuddering sigh. Disappointment didn't begin to cover the way he was feeling at this moment. Devastation might be closer to it, and now that he was in the safe haven of his own place, he was free from the prying eyes and whisperings of the nameless and faceless others, affording him the opportunity to examine what his day had become and how it all had happened.

From the highest of highs to this despairing low, and he could not even begin to fathom how or why that was. The day had begun so differently. He'd been on top of the world. Adrienne, safely rescued from the building collapse, was making a remarkable recovery at the hospital. He and Jo had shared a certain closeness during those tense and anxious moments of waiting for word, and he and Jennifer had shared some tender moments of their own. But when it was over, his sister was safe, his bond with his mother strengthened, and his ties to Jennifer something even more assured. He had known what it was to be happy and content, even for a short time. And somehow, it had slipped through his fingers.

Jennifer. She had come into the office that morning, and she had caught him, exposed and vulnerable, feeling alive and happy. She had recognized it and called him on it, but he'd been feeling too good to initially realize that she was holding something back from him. He could see it in his mind now. She'd been reserved and hesitant before him, two things Jennifer Horton rarely was in his presence. And he'd quickly discovered why. That stupid article in The Chronicle. It had gotten everything started on this train wreck of a day.

That paper was how he found out that the parole board was considering releasing Harper. He'd read it aloud before Jennifer, using his grim humor to add flavor and hide his revulsion at what he was reading. The article had been little more than a personal attack on him, but every word of it was true, beyond refutation. He was the slimy son of the sicko Senator, and everyone knew it, just as he had always believed it to be. The comparisons between himself and Harper had been obvious; he could not deny them.

Jennifer had been wounded by it, quiet and uncomfortable, but he had brushed her and the article aside with cool, unemotional logic. It was all true, and there was nothing to be sorry about. Jennifer had persisted, insisting that she knew he was hurting, but he had been equally determined not to give in to that. Especially not before her. She had wanted him to admit what he was feeling, but that was not something he had been prepared to do, even for himself.

He might have even given her some gentle but dismissive encouragement, were it not for the second thing to come along and eat away at his day. Emilio had sauntered into the office, as if he owned the world, and it was obvious that he believed he owned Jennifer. That, in and of itself, was a bitter pill to swallow, but one that Jack had become highly accustomed to dealing with. In the end, Emilio had spirited Jennifer away, and with Jack's blessing.

What had he told her; Jack strove to remember. He had said he didn't need her there. That he could suffer the slings and arrows of misfortune all by himself. But he'd had no idea how much further things would go before it was all over. Jennifer had given him a look of disgust and disappointment, and she had stalked out of the office, with Emilio in pursuit.

Never, in all the time he had been dealing with Emilio Ramirez, had Jack allowed that two-bit hoodlum to get to him, but he had today. Emilio had been so cocky, heading off to escort Jennifer to their lunch, and leaving something behind that had bruised Jack more than any of Emilio's physical taunts and jabs he so often displayed. Emilio had chuckled, almost with condescension, and he'd told Jack to enjoy the 'quiet.' That, in and of itself, might have been innocuous, but it was what followed that still stung. Emilio had glanced with disdain upon Harper's portrait on the office wall, and he'd told Jack to enjoy the 'company' as well.

Just one small reminder of who and what he was, but it had wounded Jack in a way he had never consciously allowed Emilio to do before. But there had been more to come, something that now flashed through his mind again. He'd seen them at lunch, and it was like some sort of twisted providence that had put them all into the same place, Jack locking eyes with Jennifer and gesturing to her, finding a perverse pleasure in how it obviously rattled her. But that moment of superiority, too, had quickly evaporated as Jack had begun his business luncheon. When all was said and done, he'd lost a valuable advertiser for the paper, and over the latest article and incidents involving his ties to Harper Deveraux. Jack had been stunned, blindsided in that moment, unable to even charm the man into reconsidering, something he was ordinarily so adept at doing. And he knew without a doubt that it was just the beginning. More and more advertisers would follow suit, and Jack would find himself like the helpless, frantic boy plugging his fingers into the leaking dam.

He had felt Jennifer's eyes upon him as he'd left Wings; he was disgraced and humiliated. He couldn't bear to see her pity, and he'd brushed past her table, heading for the solitude of his car and the short drive back to the office.

And now here he was, standing once again, gathering his fleeting courage and sagging strength, and staring at the portrait on the wall, asking into the room. "Why?" There had been no answer, and he asked it again. "Why now?" Why today, when he had been feeling so good, for the first time he could remember? "Why today? Why now?" He couldn't grasp it, and he couldn't deal with it.

The phone rang, and he answered it, welcoming the diversion from his probing thoughts. But this was to be the final excruciating blow, too unexpected and surreal to have even begun to have considered.

Harper. His voice alone had the command and power to stop the blood in Jack's veins and the breath in his chest in that moment. "Harper?"

They shared a conversation. It was as it had always been. Harper leading and questioning and commanding, Jack submissive and quiet, giving the answers as he had been trained to do. Jack had suddenly felt as if he was a little boy again, standing before the presence of greatness and trying, awkwardly, to live up to all that being Harper's son demanded of him.

And Harper's words. So smooth and sincere. Or were they? Jack was hopelessly confused, listening to the man who had been his father. He still wanted to believe in those words. He still wanted them to be real and true. Harper was telling him that the reason he'd pushed him away was to protect Jack. He didn't want what he had done to hurt his son in any way. God, how much he wanted to believe in those words. How much he wanted to believe that Harper believed in him. Cared about him. Loved him. And Jack heard Harper appeal to him, father to son, to come there and see him.

What would he do? Jack held the phone and tried to breathe, as he heard that voice asking him. Begging him. "Please?" Harper had never asked him for anything. He had always told Jack what to do, demanding and instructing, but never asking. "Please?" It was a word strange and foreign from the voice of the man who had been his father. Jack wasn't sure he had ever heard the word used before, and he was wrought speechless.

He murmured some weak platitudes and said he would do what he could, and he'd been shocked to hear Harper thanking him. Their conversation concluded, Jack had tried to break away, but not without the final dagger to go straight to his heart. He heard the last words as they were spoken from his father, and Harper said, "I love you, Son."

Jack was momentarily frozen, unable to speak or breathe. Slowly he hung up the phone, unaware he had even done so, his shoulders rising and falling with defeat as he expelled the only air within him, the words echoing again.

It took him many long minutes to recover from that staggering exchange, and when Jack's first reconnect with reality arrived, he was sitting at his desk again, reading today's Chronicle. Predictably, it was Jennifer, and he knew he would have to bolster himself to deal with what she would say or do now.

And there it was. The nonexistent knock on the door, followed by the words of demand as she burst through said door. "Jack, I want to talk to you!"

"Busy," he said, caustically, refusing to look up from the paper he clutched.

She, as always, was undeterred. "I want to talk to you," she said again, with more conviction.

"Talk." It was one word, biting and mordant, and it shot toward her like a bullet.

"To you, Jack, not to the back of your chair." From behind the elevated newspaper he gave her grudging admiration for that.

He swiveled around to face her, lowering the paper to meet her eyes. "State your subject, within bounds, of course." He was keeping it light and free from any potential emotional entanglement. And predictably again, she went straight to it, asking him what had happened at lunch. "Nnnnnnt!" he shot back at her, making the sound of a timer. "Off sides!" And he swiveled back, refusing to face her.

But Jennifer was in the moment, and she was not about to let him off that easily. "Dammit, Jack!" he heard her swear softly, and she shot around the side of him, forcing him to face her head on.

He protested, of course. She grabbed the paper from him, he grabbed it back. He shot out a ridiculous remark, and she countered.

He sidestepped, rattling the paper and hoping to rattle her a bit. "I think this paper's gotten a lot better over the last year. How much did they offer you again?" She stared him down, and he went on. "I mean, look at this. We've got two pages of comics, we've got Ann Landers, Dear Abby, crosswords puzzles. It's great!"

He left his seat and crossed the room, and she was right on his heels. "So no wonder we're losing our advertisers, right Jack?"

Dammit, she did know. Likely she'd heard every bit of what had gone down at Wings. It was no wonder she had returned and come straight to him, and Jack knew what was coming as surely as one expects rain at the sound of thunder.

Furious, he shot back at her, one finger extended in warning. "You take care of the writing, I'll take care of the business!"

He heard her from behind him, forceful and unwilling to take heed of his words. "I'm not worried about the business problems, I'm worried about YOUR problems!" Her voice shook a bit, but he could not allow himself to be moved by that.

"I don't have problems," he called out, turning to glare at her. "With the exception of a little over-familiarity problem with certain members of my staff." He shot her a pointed look and turned away again, focusing, it would appear, on the newspaper he still held before him.

She was quiet for a moment, no doubt regrouping, and he heard her take a step or two closer to him. He could feel her in back of him, and he tried to push that away the nearness of her.

Softly, she said, "Look at me, Jack."

"I saw you. I'm still seeing stars." He wanted her to know that he knew only too well what was before him. He had noticed her outfit and the stars that danced upon it. He wanted her to face the fact that he KNEW everything there was to know about her and he still did not want her. He had to make her face that fact. There was nothing between them but an employer and employee connection. There could be nothing more. Now or ever.

"I said, look at me," she tried again, and he was galled by her temerity.

Using it to fuel his fire, he swung on her, facing her, the anger at everything this day had been finally rising to the surface inside him. "All right, I'm looking at you," he said, with cool anger in his eyes. It caused her to hesitate, and he felt a spurt of evil satisfaction for it. "Come on, talk!"

Jennifer was taking a breath, and he watched it. "All right," she said, gently and sweetly. "You have been trying so hard to put all of this behind you."

He shook his head and interrupted, cruelly. "Right now, I'm trying to put YOU behind me." And he moved past her and away again, pushing away the sensations of being that close to her vibrancy and vitality.

"Jack, would you just stop?" she called out to him, hurt by his attitude. "Just stop! After everything you've done, to have the past dredged up like this, especially in public, I know what that must feel like."

He couldn't even allow himself to begin to see what was in her eyes and what was in her heart. He let loose the frustrations and anger that he'd been pushing back all day, and it erupted in a torrent from him. "Oh, you don't know anything about what anything feels like!"

"It must hurt!" she was shouting back at him. "It has to hurt! A lot! And you don't deserve it!" She shook her head emphatically, her words searing into him. "I don't care what you did! It was a long time ago, and you are not the same person."

He tried to brush her away. "Oh, we're all the same person…"

Her words took prominence over his as her voice came back, slashing through the room at him. "You are NOT the same person!" she yelled, grabbing him by the arms and putting her eyes on him. "And everybody knows that now," she continued, calming some. He knew what she was about to say, and he was powerless to stop her, frozen in place, dumb with wonder at this all. "Even Steve," she implored him, with candor and innocence. "Even Kayla," she said, softly now, and he stared at her, unable to protest, unwilling to believe…

Jennifer was staring up at Jack, seeing his pain and his frustration. All she wanted to do was listen to him talk about what he was feeling. It was plain to see that he'd been wounded deep down no matter how he tried to make her believe otherwise. She could have been blind and still known he was hurting. It was there in his voice and the stiffness of his posture as he tried to hold back from her. All she wanted to do was ease his pain somehow, even if it was only to listen to him speak. All she wanted was to help him… That was all she'd ever wanted…

"I want to help you," she insisted as gently as possible. "Just talk to me, Jack. Trust me, please," she implored him.

For the briefest instant his eyes remained doubtful, skeptical that anyone could possibly help him right now… But he wanted to believe her. Out of all the people in the world, he wanted to believe that she could help him. His eyes turned down for the barest of an instant as he debated talking about it. He was contemplating voicing the turn of events out loud, and she somehow sensed that he was on verge of breaking.

"Jack," she continued, her eyes willing him to believe that he could trust her. She needed to hear what was troubling him. She needed to share in his pain, to help make it better somehow, if he'd only let her.

Jack looked off momentarily and released a sigh in resignation. He knew she wasn't going to relent, and in truth, he needed to get this off of his chest. He needed to talk to someone and Jennifer was there and so willing as always to listen to him. He was tired of trying to fight against it for the moment. If she wanted to hear the ugly details, so be it.

He rolled his eyes in disbelief of what he was about to say, but finally the words were spoken aloud. "I got a call today from Harper," he admitted with a small, humorless smile on his face. Just as stunned about it as he'd been when he'd gotten the phone call, he added, "He wants to see me."

His eyes then turned to stare straight into hers. What would she think of that news? He certainly couldn't imagine her reaction. Would the reminder of who he was and where he'd come from finally register with her? He certainly knew who he was and where he'd come from, but for some reason Jennifer never seemed to take heed of it.

Before she could say anything, he stepped past her and stared sightlessly down at the paper he was holding. If she was going to react badly, he didn't want to see it. He wanted her to wake up about him that was for sure, but he didn't really want to see it happen. If she was going to incriminate him she could do it to his back, he thought.

Refusing to let him shutdown and walk away now that he was opening up to her, Jennifer swung around and continued to push for more from him. In an anxious voice, she asked, "Are you going to go? Are you going to talk to him?"

How else could he respond to the questions, he thought tensely. He had to tell her the truth. He was torn on two sides, there was no denying it. "I don't know," he replied, releasing a harsh breath of frustration.

He honestly didn't know what he wanted to do and it was eating him up inside. On the one hand he felt obligated and bound to heed Harper's request to see him. Harper may have committed a number of atrocities in his lifetime, but that just wasn't the man he'd always known. Yet, at the same time, he could not forget the last few times he had seen Harper in prison. The memory of being shoved out of the man's life still stung.

"Do you want to," Jennifer pushed, wanting to know if he did. She understood that he probably did on some level, and she wondered why, if he did want to.

God, why did she have to persist? Why did her thoughts have to mirror his own?

Spinning around to face her abruptly, he insisted, "I said I don't know! That means, I don't know."

Jennifer's eyes widened and she pulled back slightly, afraid that she was stepping over the boundaries with him. She wanted to help him, not make him even more upset.

"I'm sorry," she apologized to him quickly. She wished she could somehow control the drive to see inside his mind. The last thing she wanted to do was annoy him.

Why did people insist on saying that to him, he wondered blankly. Jennifer didn't seem to understand that his anger wasn't directed at her. It was directed at Harper and even himself to some degree, but not her. She was the last person in the world who had anything at all to be sorry about…

"Don't be sorry. You've got nothing to be sorry about," he insisted adamantly, adding with a wave of his hand, "you didn't do anything!" Wanting to make her understand his position, as well as needing to justify it in his own mind, he explained, "Look, Harper and I have a relationship. He raised me from the time before I could walk or talk. That's deep! You don't forget about things that are that deep!"

His head shook slightly and he was nearly laughing over the inanity of it all, although he really found no humor in any of it at all. Why couldn't he make her understand it? Why couldn't he make her see what he was saying? He could see she wanted to argue, but he just couldn't allow her to go on believing all of these lies. She was so blind to the truth at times that it was almost scary. Frustrated and lost in the argument, he stepped past her again, unable to find the words to explain it clearly enough.

"I know that, Jack-"

Cutting his hand through the air time and again to stress each point, he vehemently argued, "That's a heritage, you don't turn your back on heritage! That's a part of me…"

Jennifer tried to break through to him again, wishing he would just give her the chance to talk. "I understand that, but-"

Spinning around instantly, Jack took hold of her shoulders to stop her from talking. "Listen to me for once," he shouted angrily, shaking her slightly as if that would help her hear him better. He was at the end of his patience with her here. He knew who he was! He was reminded of it absolutely every single day! Everyone in all of Salem was aware of who he was. Why couldn't she seem to see it? How could she go on continuing to try and rationalize it to herself or to him? "Listen to me!" His voice shook as he demanded she comply. He knew of no other way to get through to her than to make her listen to the truth. "Ask anybody in this town, ask them who I am! They'll tell you I'm Jack Deveraux, Harper's son-"

Jennifer refused to let him talk like that. To her, his words were so far removed from the truth. Staring straight back at him, she argued, "You are not-"

"Jack Deveraux, Harper's son," he grated insistently. As he spoke he was whipping the paper up and down, continuing to clench it in his hand. Its motion seemed to mark every last word that he spoke. In an effort to make her see his point, he explained, "One wields the pen, the other wields the sword, but deep down it's all the same!" He was holding onto her again, fairly laughing in the face of the irony of it all.

"You're wrong," Jennifer fired back at him without flinching this time.

"No, I'm not wrong," Jack shouted right back.

"You're wrong," she asserted with increasing certainty. There was so little doubt in her eyes at that moment.

"No!"

Before he could utter another word of protest against it, she suddenly shouted, "I don't believe what anybody says! I don't even believe you!" That statement, so firmly spoken, caused him to draw back in surprise. He began to stare at her in resignation, and she saw it. But, she wasn't nearly finished. "I believe in you," she insisted, unable to stop the tears that suddenly sprung to her eyes. "And I believe what I feel with my whole heart," she began to cry.

Jack was listening to her. How could he not? Yet, he couldn't understand how she could possibly mean what she was saying. Hadn't she heard a word he'd said? It was so unfathomable. He knew that she meant every word of it, yet the realization of what he saw in her eyes brought him up short. He couldn't move. He didn't know what to say or do. He wanted to turn and walk away from her, yet he simply couldn't move.

Jennifer was looking up at him with tears in her eyes. He looked so torn and she wanted to make him see the truth. Her words were not just words! How could she make him see that? He was clearly in disbelief, so doubtful and so uncertain, and she feared what would happen if she allowed him to turn away from her. She felt herself sigh as she submitted to the need to prove it to him.

Before she could allow herself to control the impulse, she was suddenly reaching up to touch him. Her hand grasped his shoulder and she brought her mouth to his. She felt such an overwhelming need to prove it to him. Her words were not just words, she reaffirmed as her hand firmly pressed against the back of his neck and pulled him down to her.

Jack had not seen this moment coming. From Jennifer he might have expected any number of responses, but this kiss was not something he could have ever expected in the heat of the moment between them. The power of her words had stunned him into silence and the feel of her lips touching his caused him to shudder momentarily. He very nearly pulled back as his eyes involuntarily closed. But he was caught off guard and unable to do more for an instant than live in the moment and accept what she was offering him.

He felt her hand pulling at the back of his neck and he could do nothing more than give in to her for the briefest instant. The paper he'd forgotten he was even holding suddenly dropped to the floor just as his heart nearly had the moment her lips touched his. His mind had instantly stopped responding to the environment around them. He lost the ability to think about anything but her. And, the hand that felt so suddenly empty was unconsciously reaching up to touch her face as he found himself entranced within the power of this moment between them.

Jennifer felt his fingers lightly pressing against her skin, and her eyes opened as she felt the moment passing between them. They were separating achingly slow and she took a deep, mournful breath that it could be over with so quickly.

She was breathing, they both were… As their lips parted she looked up at him and caught the intense look in his eyes. It caused her to flush and she found that she couldn't hold his gaze for long. Had he felt what she had in that kiss? Had it meant as much to him as it had to her? Or, had she been experiencing the emotions in it alone? If he had, why had he stopped it?

She instinctively knew the answer and it caused her a severe moment of disappointment and shame. She shouldn't have kissed him like that. Jack looked to be in complete shock as he stood there looking down at her. And, it had ended now, hadn't it? So sweet, yet so brief, she thought to herself. Sadly enough, she thought it was far too brief…

But, in that moment, Jack had not turned away from her. In fact, he was still staring down at her in awe. His fingers trembled as he continued to touch her cheek. He'd looked downward in a moment of brief contemplation over what she had said to him, but his eyes helplessly lifted to look back up at her an instant later.

What had she said to him? What had her words been that had halted him so badly? He could remember nothing past this moment in time. He could think of nothing beyond the soft touch of her lips and the tender feel of her skin beneath his fingers.

It was not the first time they'd kissed, yet it had blown him away for the intensity of it like at no other time. Perhaps it was the fact that his emotions were already running on overload, or perhaps the tension between them had always been building towards this very moment. Whatever the reason was, it mattered little. All he knew was how much he wanted this moment. For the first time in a long time he'd been opened up and forced to feel something, and he knew nothing but the fact that he needed it.

It was a difficult thing for him to admit that he needed anything from anyone. He'd spent an eternity sealed off from the world around him and everyone inside it. He thrived on that need for separation and self-preservation. But right now, at this very moment, he desperately wanted to make contact with that world of emotion again. Jennifer was that world to him. She'd brought his emotions to the surface in a way he'd never imagined possible. So it was without words that his fingers sought to touch her chin, forcing her to look back up at him.

His lips pressed together as he looked down, witnessing the forlorn look of disappointment and apology in her eyes. For this one moment, he would never be sorry, and he couldn't allow her to either. He didn't want to think right now, he wanted to feel.

A second hand came up and he gently framed her face. He mindlessly wiped at the dampness on her cheeks as his eyes roamed over her face. He witnessed the beauty of her tear-filled eyes and her flawless skin. Then, his eyes took in the sight of her lips and he was lost. He opened his mouth to breathe one last breath before he closed his eyes to the rest of the world. At that moment, nothing else mattered at all…

Jennifer had no time to react, nor think. All she knew was that Jack was suddenly looking down at her with an expression of intense longing. And then his hands were no longer caressing her, but they were holding her captive there, pulling her forward as he bent purposely to meet her.

His lips took hers then, an act that caused her to stop breathing. Jennifer was instantly stunned by the feel of him drawing much nearer to her. This time the moment was not of her making. Jack was the one pushing forth towards her, asking that she submit and share in the moment with him. For a fleeting second she couldn't help looking onward, but then her eyes closed as she felt him renewing the kiss ever more passionately. He was bowing to her, and there was nothing but the sound of their breaths as they explored one another for the first time. Jennifer heard him sigh in a sound that moved her beyond thought. It was one of needing and deep fulfillment. For the first time he was allowing her to share such intimacy with him and it was indescribable. Her heart ached for just how complete it made her feel. She accepted his passion willingly, shutting her mind to the rest of the world with him.

Jack was lost in the moment as well. The feel of her in his arms and her lips upon his was so exquisite a sensation that he could do nothing but grab at it greedily, as a man who has traveled through a desert and now seeks his first precious drops of water. Jennifer was his water; she was his sustenance in those moments, and he could no sooner pull away from her than he could thrust aside that life-giving nourishment. His kisses continued with reckless abandon and disregard for the warnings trying to alert his brain to what he was doing to them both.

Just a bit more, he told himself… Mindlessly kissing her and soothing the ache that was within him, filling him, overwhelming him. Now that he'd tasted her, how could he pull away? He needed her, and the swirl of his feelings deep within him came to settle for a brief moment in time.

In the air between them arose a sound of intense longing and deep fulfillment that registered within Jennifer's heart. As he pulled her to him, he was sighing aloud, a sound that caused her heart to beat faster as her hands suddenly wound tighter around him. For Jennifer, it was a moment so profound and perfect that she could not begin to imagine it ending, and she would not. But she was breathless, and she pulled back, only a fraction of a moment, to gather a breath and go on.

He heard her gasp for air, and someplace inside him it registered what he was doing to her. As a thief he was stealing from her, both air and passion, something he had not been entitled to, no matter if she had offered it or not. Jack's reality began to return, and he grasped for the final, lingering moment of that precious kiss. And then, as the emotions of the moment were replaced with the reality of their situation, who and what and where they were, Jack pulled back, suddenly and instantaneously, removing himself from her embrace and from the connection they had forged in those moments.

Jennifer was dazed, stunned, and her eyes, so innocent and full of faith and trust, gazed upward upon him, willing for this newfound closeness between them not to be broken alongside the discontinuation of their physical embrace.

Each stood, staring upon the other, breath coming fast, words sluggishly unable to be found. Jack was the first to break the gaze, and his eyes went to the floor, but only for a fraction of a moment. They then moved with deliberation to a corner of the room, and to a place Jennifer could sense without even seeing.

Jack stared at the portrait of Harper, imposing and austere, a cold and hard reminder of who he was, lest he might have forgotten in those stolen moments with Jennifer. He was Harper's son, Jack reminded himself. He was everything he had just told Jennifer he was, and more, and Harper's visage was upon his wall to remind him of it.

He had allowed himself to be consumed with forgetting, even if only for a few amazing minutes, but reality was now firmly within him again, and he needed only that splash of cold water to reunite him with what it was he had cast aside.

Jennifer continued to breathe in and out, silently imploring him not to allow himself to go back again to what it was he had been. But she watched Jack as he returned to who it was he believed he was, and her heart sank in that instant.

He glanced back at the portrait one more time, and then he shifted his attention back to her. Struggling to get within himself again, he moved first his body and then his mouth. "Uhhh, you'd better go," he advised her, and he moved past her, away from those beseeching eyes and that beguiling and bewitching girl.

She was still upon his skin, he realized as he moved aside, and almost without conscious thought, he reached forward his hand and wiped her lipstick and her imprint off his burning lips. But he could not remove the power of her words as they made contact with his dazed mind.

"Jack, I don't wanna go," she told him, still breathless from what had transpired between them, and he knew how much she meant those words. There could be no doubt whatsoever at her sincerity and her level of commitment to him, and it now frightened him as it had not even before. He was Jack Deveraux, Harper's son. And she was Jennifer Horton. And what had just briefly passed between them, like a random bolt of lightning, could not be allowed to happen again. He could not allow it. He might have accepted what she held out to him for those shining moments, but he could not have more. And instinctively he understood that she would expect that. She would want for there to be more, and she would try to offer it again.

He had suffered a momentary loss of conscious thought, but he could not let that happen for another time. As wonderful as it had been, he could not take that from her, because Jack understood the certainty that she would not face. He would destroy her. Just like he destroyed every good thing in his life, he would bring her to ruination, as well. And that thought was more horrifying than facing the reality of his life, alone and shunned from the kind of joyous discovery she could give him. There was only one possible response.

His fingers continued to rub off the last traces of her from his body, and his voice addressed her, shakily and with the vestiges of a cynical laugh. "I, uhh…want you to go."

Jennifer heard those words and reacted to them, her voice small, her courage lagging. "But we just…you know…we…"

She was trying to put words to what had passed between them, and Jack did not believe it could be done. "We just… we just…" he stammered, his hands raised before himself, separating them with a chasm almost too deep to forge again. "Nothing…" he told her. "Nothing…" He moved past her again, needing to be away from her probing thoughts and her wide eyes.

But her words found him again. "Jack, you felt it as much as I did."

She confronted him with those words, and he was afraid of the power they held. Jack fought against them with cool disregard to mask the emotions that still remained, in part, unchecked. "I, uhh…you kissed me," he tried to explain, and she jumped in.

"No, no, no, you kissed ME, Jack!" He could actually feel the throb in her voice as she confronted him with those words, and he felt the familiar sense of panic that he had when he knew she was getting too close to the truth.

He had to escape. She would persist, and if she had broken him down already, there was still enough unsettled inside him that she might find the way to break him again. Jack knew he could not allow that to happen. "Look, if you're not going to go, I'll go." The smile he gave her belied any words he could say on the matter. It was meant to deter her from pursuing this, and he flashed her that smile, aware as he did so that it was going to be ineffective. Jack bolted for the door.

Behind him he heard her protests, and he felt her as she came after him, so he bolstered his strength and turned to face her.

The door to his office now open, his path for escape before him, he swung around to face her, hearing her desperate cries for him to wait. "Jennifer! JENNIFER!" He had her attention now, as she stared up at him, unsure what to say or do to make this right again. "What do you want?" he demanded, his finger pointing at her, his aggravation apparent.

She breathed in and out, and then she said the words. "You're going to see Harper, aren't you?"

He felt Round Two coming, and he was not going to stand there and welcome its arrival. He hesitated, pulling the last of himself inward again and bouncing a bit as he faced her. When his words came, a moment later, they were ones of cool civility and finality. "If I am, I'm not gonna tell you," he said, cruelly, and Jack turned and strode away, leaving her at his office door, staring dolefully at his retreating form.

There was only one thing left to do. Jennifer huffed her frustration, and then she slammed his door shut, letting loose a scream of release into his empty office. Jack heard it, but he kept on walking.

Now, as an encore...

An original music video created especially for this occasion by DI2CJNJ

On Youtube - Jack and Jennifer: I Believe in You

�